


SomeThing Else

by Hellfire_and_roses



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: (Ish) - Freeform, (but not really), Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Inner Dialogue, M/M, Mystery, Secrets, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2020-06-23 14:18:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19703095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hellfire_and_roses/pseuds/Hellfire_and_roses
Summary: For as long as he could remember, he'd had someone else's voice in his head.





	1. In the begining

For as long as he could remember, he’d had someone else’s voice in his head.

At first, he hadn’t realised it was anything unusual. He just assumed everyone had this…this _Thing_ …inside them; that everyone had another voice whispering in their ear. Only after a few poorly chosen comments and seeing the others’ reactions did he realise he was alone in this.

**_You’re not alone. You’ve got me._ **

This Thing, this…other self…he was the only one who had one. So he hid it. He ignored it as best he could, but that only seemed to make the whispers louder, as if it were annoyed at him not responding. It constantly questioned, made him question, tried to exert it’s influence over him. And after a while, he began to listen. He saw Lucifer and the others, heard their talk of rebellion and found to his surprise that it was starting to make sense to him. Why _was_ it this way? Why _couldn’t_ they do certain things? He tried to pretend he wasn’t having these thoughts, tried to remain on task. Some days it was easier than others, some days he knew he didn’t want to pretend. Deep down he felt like obeying was the wrong thing to do, in spite of what everyone told him. But he persevered. He tried to remain a Good Angel.

**_I’m not stopping you from being Good. I just don’t see why we should follow blindly_ **

He knew it was only a matter of time before the Thing got him into trouble. They’d just finished a complicated nebular (that he was particularly proud of) when it happened. Out of nowhere, trumpet call rang out and the skies seemed to darken. There was an ominous rumbling, and everyone stopped what they were doing.

**_What’s going on?_ **

“I don’t know.” He murmured. All around him, angels looked at each other in confusion. Then they heard it. The screams. It was unlike anything he’d ever heard before; screams of pure agony and terror that chilled everyone who heard it to the bone.

**_They’re falling!_ **

All around him, others were whispering it too, panic spreading quickly. _Rebellion…Falling…Lucifer_ …

He went cold. They were getting punished. All those who had rebelled, who had disobeyed, they were getting cast out. He knew these angels, he’d talked with them. He knew their plans. And he himself had been a part of it!

**_We weren’t a part of it_ **

“We questioned!” he whispered desperately. “We thought they made sense!”

**_We should hide_ **

“How?!” he spat. He could see some of them now, grasping and twisting as the ground beneath their feet crumbled to ash and they fell. Some of them reached out to their fellow angels, desperate for something or someone to hold on to but they recoiled, pulled back. He locked eyes with one of them just before they fell and his very essence lurched at the look of desperate, pleading terror in the brown eyes.

**_We can’t help him. We have to help ourselves_ **

He started forwards, hand outstretched…and then the angel was gone, his sickening screams echoing as he fell. He could feel the tremors at his feet, could almost feel the molten burning beneath him and he knew that any second now he would be falling with them. It wasn’t fair.

**_We didn’t do anything wrong_ **

He felt the ground lurch beneath him and then…and then nothing. Everything went quiet. The skies calmed and cleared. It was over.

“Everyone ok?” A voice called, loud and pompous. He looked over to see Gabriel striding amongst them, looking around. “The sinners have been dealt with; everyone can go back to their stations.” They briefly made eye contact, and then Gabriel turned and strolled away.

He hid his shaking hands inside his robes, turning back to his nebula.

**_We’re ok? We didn’t fall_ **

“Was it so wrong, what they did? Those screams…”

**_It’s over now._ **

“We should have fallen with them. They didn’t deserve that.” There was a heavy silence in his head, as if the Thing was considering this.

**_Neither do you, Aziraphale._ **


	2. The Garden

It was quite beautiful, really, Aziraphale mused as he looked out over the garden. When he’d been given this assignment he hadn’t been particularly happy; after all, who would be happy about being sent away from Heaven?

**_Me, for one. Bloody boring up there. This is much more interesting_ **

“Shush” Aziraphale admonished gently, watching the humans relax near the lake. A serpent coiled lazily around a nearby tree and fish swam just beneath the water’s surface. Yes, it was quite beautiful. But still. “It doesn’t compare to Heaven.”

**_We agree on that. This place is a lot better_ **

“What would you know, demon?”

**_I’m not a demon_ **

Aziraphale rolled his eyes. “Well you’re not an angel.”

**_Do I have to be either?_ **

“Well…are you good or evil?”

**_We’ve had this conversation. I’m not good OR evil. I just…am_ **

“You have to be one or the other!” Aziraphale insisted, frustrated.

**_Why?_ **

“Because…” Aziraphale spluttered, “because that’s just the way things are!” He watched Eve wander over to the tree, reaching up a hand to stroke the serpent’s head.

**_They’re not good or evil_ **

“That’s different. They don’t understand good or evil. You do.”

**_How do you know?_ **

“Because I do, and you’re a part of me.” He turned away, stalking along the wall. “You know everything I know.”

**_You don’t know everything I know, why would I know everything you know?_ **

“Well…because…” he paused. It had never occurred to him that maybe the Thing knew things he didn’t, or vice versa. “What do you know that I don’t?”

**_I know you probably shouldn’t have turned your back on that snake_ **

“What?!” Aziraphale whirled around, just in time to see Adam take a bite from the apple. “Oh.” He murmured softly. “Oh my dears, what have you done?”

* * *

**_It was nice of you to give them the sword_ **

“Yes. They’ll need it.” Aziraphale said absently, watching the two humans walk away. He’d messed up, he knew that, and now he just had to wait for his Devine punishment.

**_Why would you be punished?_ **

He was dimly aware of something moving in his peripheral vision and glanced over to see the long black snake take a more human form.

**_Oh. I didn’t know he would do that. He’s much better looking than they said demons would be_ **

Aziraphale, flustered, realised that the stranger had been talking. He forced a small laugh before realising that might be rude and asking him to repeat himself.

“I said; that went down like a lead balloon.”

“Oh. Yes, it did, rather.” It felt strange to be stood here, having a conversation with a demon-

**_Crawly. His name is Crawly. He literally just told you_ **

-and Aziraphale wasn’t entirely sure what he should do. He was already in a lot of trouble, would this make it worse or was he so far gone it wouldn’t make a difference? He could tell Crawly was spoiling for a fight, but he wasn’t sure if he should be turning the other cheek or smiting him down.

“…didn’t you have a flaming sword?”

“Er…” Aziraphale shifted uncomfortably, trying to think of something to say, some excuse or defense he could give.

“You did, it was flaming like anything. What happened to it?”

“Er…”

“Lost it already have you?” Crawly asked with a knowing look.

Aziraphale looked away sheepishly. “…I gave it away.” He said quietly.

“You _what_?” Crawly’s expression shifted and suddenly he was looking at Aziraphale as though he was something wonderful, and Aziraphale felt something tug strangely in his chest.

**_Oh. He’s going to be trouble. I like him_ **


	3. The Flood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to people who have read, commented, or left Kudos so far!

Aziraphale stood, motionless, as he watched the people scurrying around below him. He stood outside a cave, high up in a mountainside where the flood wouldn’t reach him. _Like a coward_ he thought bitterly. He was aware of Crawley at his side, but he only had eyes for the humans. They were just starting to realise something was wrong with the rain, just starting to panic, and he ached for them.

**_We can help them_ **

He bit his lip. Beside him, Crawley twitched like he was restraining himself from doing something – he probably was. The demon’s face was pinched and angry, his eyes burning as he watched the scene unfolding before them.

**_We can’t just leave them. Aziraphale, you can’t possibly be ok with this_ **

He gritted his teeth. It wasn’t as if he’d been consulted, like he had any say in the matter. They hadn’t even told him in person, he’d just received a memo advising him to be out of the area. Sure, he’d done a bit of digging and found out roughly what was going on; but that didn’t mean he had any control over it.

**_You chose to stay. That has to mean something_ **

He watched as a young boy, no more than 16, slipped and skidded down a hill; dropping the armful of belongings he’d been carrying and watching them be washed away by the rain, a desolate look on his face.

**_Look at them. Look what She’s done. You should help. Aziraphale. LOOK AT THEM_ **

“We can’t _do anything_!” he snapped, anguished. Crawley turned sharply to look at him.

“…I didn’t say we should.” He said his voice surprisingly gentle. Aziraphale looked at him. Crawley’s expression had softened. He looked almost tender.

“No, I…” _I wasn’t talking to you._ For one brief, wild, beautiful moment Aziraphale considered telling the demon everything. Telling him about the Thing, about how he questioned, about the whole sorry mess. Then reality hit him and he knew that he couldn’t. They were enemies, he would be giving Hell ammunition, he would be…emotion swelled up inside him and he felt, with horror, tears spring up in his eyes. He looked away quickly before Crawley could see but the heavy silence told him he hadn’t moved fast enough. He waited for the mockery to begin. Instead, he felt a tentative hand on his shoulder and he looked up, shocked. Crawley was watching him with a peculiar expression on his face.

“Come on.” He said softly, “Let’s go somewhere. Get a drink. You don’t have to watch.”

“Someone should bear witness.” Aziraphale muttered. The two of them stood there in silence, just watching.

**_His hand’s still on your shoulder you know_ **

Aziraphale blushed. He hadn’t noticed, but now that it had been pointed out, he wondered if it was strange. He was about to step away when Crawley spoke again.

“It doesn’t have to be you who does it though. I’ll stay.”

“What?”

“I said I’ll...” Crawley’s eyes flicked to his own hand and he suddenly jerked it back as if burnt. He cleared his throat. “I’ll stay.”

“I…” A woman’s scream drew Aziraphale’s eyes back to the humans and he watched the young lady running desperately across the sodden ground, clutching what was unmistakeably a baby wrapped in linen. “I can’t…”

**_Aziraphale, help them. You know this isn’t right_ **

“It’s The Plan.” He whispered. “I can’t save them.”

**_Just one then. If you can’t save them all, just save one. Please_ **

He scanned the crowd before his eyes found the woman with the baby. She was clutching the sodden bundle to her, rocking gently as the water lapped around her ankles. He could see her lips moving as she sang to the baby, even if he couldn’t hear her. He raised his hand…she vanished.

Aziraphale blinked, confused. He hadn’t done that. Had he? He looked wildly over at Crawley, who was lowering his hand.

“What did you do?” Aziraphale gasped.

Crawley shrugged. “You can’t get involved. Like you said, it’s the Plan. They’d know.”

“Where is she?! Where’s the baby?!”

“They’re safe. Aziraphale, I promise, they’re safe.”

“They’re…?" His eyes widened as realisation struck him. "You saved them?”

Crawley looked away. “I mean, everyone dying is the Great Plan. I’m supposed to try and interfere. It’s my job, after all. I’m just…interfering.” He glared. “I did it to hurt the Plan.”

**_He could save more_ **

“I’d have to stop him.” Aziraphale murmured.

“What was that?” Crawley frowned.

**_Not if you didn’t know he was doing it_ **

Aziraphale blinked. His whole body felt tense suddenly, as if he was standing on the edge of a precipice and was waiting to see if he would fall off. Heaven couldn’t really hold him responsible if Crawley saved a few villagers, surely? He didn’t _have_ to bear witness, and really it was only natural that he might assume his enemy wouldn’t help out…

“I said I’m leaving.” Aziraphale said loudly. “I can’t watch this anymore.”

Crawley blinked. “Oh. Right. Should I…?”

“You said you’d stay. Bear witness.”

“Yes, but-”

“And don’t interfere anymore. If I know you’re interfering I have to stop you.” He shot Crawley a pleading look, willing him to understand. For a second, the demon looked like he was ready to argue but then his expression cleared.

“Oh. Right. Yes, of course. Gotcha. No…no interfering, right. You thwarted my plans, angel, well done you. So. Off you pop.” He winked at Aziraphale, and the angel felt that peculiar tug in his chest again. He turned away, then paused.

“Thank you, Crawley.” He said quietly, so quietly he wasn’t even sure if the demon would hear him, and he snapped his fingers and was gone.

**_Thank you_ **


	4. The Man on the Cross

Aziraphale winced as the hammer fell, driving the nail deeper into Jesus’s palm.

**_This is wrong on so many levels_ **

“I had nothing to do with it.” He muttered crossly. His eyes fell on a woman weeping not far from him – his mother? – and he quickly averted his gaze. “It was a policy decision, quite above my pay grade.”

**_I know. I’m not blaming you. It’s just…sad_ **

“Yes. It is.”

“Come to smirk at the poor bugger, have you?” Crawley’s voice came suddenly from over his left shoulder. Aziraphale managed not to jump.

“Smirk? Me?”

“Well, your lot put him up there.”

**_He’s got a point. Oh. Wait. Sorry, she’s got a point_ **

Aziraphale took a better look at his friend and realised the Thing was right. The being stood next to him was unmistakeably Crawley and unmistakeably female.

“I’m not consulted on policy decisions Crawley.”

“Oh, I’ve changed it.”

“What?”

**_Good call, that, I think. I never liked the name Crawley. Crowley suits her much better, don’t you think?_ **

Aziraphale ignored the Thing. He and Crawley – he and _Crowley_ – continued to watch the crucifixion. Aziraphale learnt that Crowley had actually known Jesus, which surprised him. He didn’t think Crowley had even been in the area.

**_You seem disappointed_ **

Out of the corner of his eye, Aziraphale saw Crowley make a small gesture and Jesus’s whimpers died down slightly, as if the pain had lessened. He didn’t draw attention to it. He looked back at the woman he assumed was Jesus’s earthly mother. She couldn’t take her eyes off him, and Aziraphale ached for her.

“It seems wrong,” he said softly, “that something as wonderful as love can cause so much pain.”

Crowley gave him a puzzled look. “Of course it hurts, sometimes.” She said, looking back at the man on the cross, a peculiar expression on her face. “Otherwise what would be the point?”

***

Aziraphale thought about that for a while afterwards, long after Jesus had finally succumbed to his wounds and died, long after the many people watching had gone back to their lives. _What would be the point?_

“What did she mean by that anyway?!” He demanded helplessly. “Love _is_ the point!”

**_For you, maybe. There are plenty of different kinds of love beyond your boring ‘angels love everything’ crap_ **

“But love is supposed to be pure. It’s supposed to be…” he trailed off, thinking about Jesus’s earthly mother looking up at her son’s body. Truth be told, Aziraphale didn’t really know who Jesus _was_ , Heaven hadn’t been clear on whether he was actually the Almighty’s child or just a human. Either way, dealing with him the way they had was cruel. “It isn’t right.” He finished, lamely.

**_Nothing She does is right_ **

“Now, hold on!” he protested. “That’s blasphemy.”

**_And?_ **

Aziraphale sputtered. “And…and…don’t do it!”

**_I think Crowley would agree with me_ **

“She’s a demon, it doesn’t matter what she thinks!”

**_Then why are you so upset?_ **

Aziraphale paused, his mind flicking back to the expression on Crowley’s face as she looked up at Jesus. Had there been more to their relationship than just ‘showing him the kingdoms of the world’? Had there been…love? It was ridiculous, demons couldn’t love. He couldn’t deny the thought made his chest feel a bit funny though.

**_Aziraphale…is something going on here?_ **

“What do you mean by that?” Aziraphale snapped. There was a long pause.

**_Nothing. Never mind._ **

“No, go on, what?”

**_It’s just…well, you seem upset. About Crowley._ **

“About what she said, not about _her_. Not about…oh, shut up.”

**_Fine. I was only asking_ **

“Well don’t.”

And still it echoed in his head, the look on her face, the sound of her words. _Of course it hurts, sometimes. Otherwise what would be the point?_


	5. The Arrangement

Aziraphale slammed the door to his room and began pacing the floor.

“I mean, really! What a thing to suggest!” He pulled off his jacket and flung it over the back of a chair.

**_Seemed reasonable to me_ **

“You don’t get a say in it!”

**_You’re the one discussing it with me_ **

“I’m trying to talk to myself!” Aziraphale snapped. “It’s not my fault you’re always listening in!”

**_Rude_ **

“Yes, it is!” he flung himself into a chair. “I mean, to suggest we ignore each other is one thing, I've gone along with that, but this…! Suggesting I do a…a temptation for him, it’s absurd! I couldn’t do it!”

**_I could do it_ **

Aziraphale paused. “What?”

**_Let me do it_ **

“How on earth could you do it? You’re in my head!”

**_Give me control. Just for a bit. I could do it for you, he’d never know_ **

“Out of the question! I’m not ‘giving you control’, I can’t trust you! I don’t even know what you _are_!”

**_I’m me_ **

“Oh, that’s very reassuring. By all means, then, take over, do what you want with my corporeal vessel.”

**_Sarcasm doesn’t suit you_ **

“Boo-hoo.” Aziraphale waved his hand and a full glass of wine appeared on the table before him. “Thank you for your judgement, now kindly be quiet and let me drink in peace.”

* * *

“And…and another thing. He’s got…all that… _hair._ ” Aziraphale gesticulated wildly in the general vicinity of the top of his head.

**_Yes, he does. Hair. Most people do_ **

“He’s not…he’s not people! He shouldn’t look like…like with his _hair_. He should look bad.” Aziraphale nodded firmly. “He’s a demon. No business being that…that… _that_.”

**_Being that good looking you mean?_ **

“I never said…!” Aziraphale looked hard at his wine glass. “I think I should sober up.”

**_No, don’t do that. Just one more glass. One more should do it_ **

“Do what?”

**_Doesn’t matter. What matters is Crowley. Asking you to do temptations. Outrageous_ **

“Well, exactly!” Aziraphale filled his glass again and picked it up, immediately sloshing wine over the side. “He’s taking…liberties is what he’s doing!”

**_Terrible_ **

“It is terrible! Thank you!” he drained his glass and blinked, feeling the room spin. “I’m dery…very…I need to sober…sober.”

**_Good idea. But why don’t you have a lie down first?_ **

“No, don’t need…”

**_Go on. Look at that bed. It looks really comfy. Just for a minute. Then you can sober up_ **

“Ok, but just…until the spinning stops.” Aziraphale staggered uncertainly over to the bed and flopped down on it face first. “I’m not…I don’t…” his voice grew fainter. “…m’ sober up…” he trailed off and gave a small snore.

**_Aziraphale?_ **

Aziraphale snored again, deep in a drunken sleep.

Then he sat up.

He looked around.

He smiled.

“Well, this is interesting.” He murmured. He got up and walked over to the mirror, examining his face. He flexed his fingers and turned his hands over, examining them. “Very interesting.” He looked back at his reflection and smiled widely. “Sleep well, Aziraphale.” He said softly, then picked up the discarded jacket and left the room.

* * *

Aziraphale returned to consciousness slowly. Something felt…off. With some effort, he forced his eyes opened and blinked until his vision cleared. He was lying on his bed, exactly where he would expect to be after a night of heavy drinking.

Except for the fact that he was wearing his jacket, which he knew very well he'd removed the night before.

And his hands were stained with red.

Aziraphale sprang up, turning to the mirror to see his face and freezing at what he saw there. Scrawled on the glass in red letters, a message.

HELLO AZIRAPHALE

Aziraphale stared in horror at the words, then down at his own hands. _What on earth…?_

“What did you do?” He whispered, horrified. He lifted his hands and suddenly caught a familiar scent. He paused, frowning at his hands, then cautiously stuck out his tongue and licked an index finger. “…cherry?” he asked, confused. “What _did_ you do?”

**_I picked fruit. It’s in the kitchen._ **

“You did…what?”

**_Fruit. It’s in the kitchen. How hungover are you?_ **

“You can’t pick fruit!”

**_It wasn’t hard. I just went to a few gardens, there are trees and bushes everywhere_ **

“No, I mean…why would you do that?!”

**_To make a point. You can trust me. I had control and I did nothing more than wander some gardens._ **

“You _took_ control.”

**_That too. I can take control when you’re vulnerable, but I want you to allow it. I want you to give me control. Let me help you, Aziraphale_ **

Aziraphale hesitated. “You could…do the tempting? And give me back control when you’re done?”

**_Yes_ **

Aziraphale looked back to the mirror, his own slightly frightened eyes looking back at him. “Ok.” He said quietly. “It seems we have a deal.”


	6. The Antichrist

Crowley was snoring.

Aziraphale glanced over at him, intrigued. He didn’t even know demons _could_ snore. They’d been drinking well into the early hours of the morning, coming up with a plan as to how to handle the whole Antichrist business. It would be a simple matter to gain employment at the Dowling household, they were looking for a nanny after all and – wouldn’t you know it – it just so happened their gardener had won the lottery and left without any notice at all so they were in desperate need of a new one.

**_I still don’t see why Crowley couldn’t have been the gardener_ **

“Because he’s far better with children.” Aziraphale murmured. “And before you say anything, I’m well aware of my horticultural shortcomings but there’s nothing a little miracle or two won’t fix.”

**_Look at you using your powers for personal gain. I’m impressed_ **

“It’s not personal gain! It’s for the good of the mission.”

**_Your mission. Not heaven’s_ **

“That’s beside the point.” Aziraphale sighed heavily, his eyes flicking back to the sleeping demon. “Can we do it, do you think? Make him normal?”

**_I hope so_ **

“I feel so reassured.”

**_Look, I don’t want a war any more than you do. But the fact of the matter is, he’s the antichrist. It’s in his blood_ **

“Lucifer was an angel once.”

**_True. But the evil was always there_ **

“How would you know?”

**_Just trust me on this one_ **

Once upon a time Aziraphale might have pressed the Thing for a better answer, wondered again if there was some connection between it and Satan, some evil lurking inside. Now, he simply rolled his eyes in an almost fond sort of way.

“Trust you. You know, one of these days you might start trusting me.”

**_I might_ **

“I’m flattered you’re considering it.” Aziraphale said sarcastically. He stood up, grabbing a nearby blanket and placing it carefully over the sleeping demon. Crowley shifted in his sleep and muttered something before settling down again.

**_Aziraphale-_ **

“Don’t. I know.” He said softly. He rested a gentle hand on Crowley’s head. “But now’s not the time. I don’t want to complicate things.”

**_How could telling him you love him complicate things?_ **

“How could it not?” Aziraphale sighed, letting his hand drop and going back over to his desk.


	7. The Boy's Too Normal

“Do you think Crowley’s right? Do you think he’s _too_ normal?”

**_How can anyone be TOO normal? Normal is just…normal_ **

“Yes but he isn’t actually normal, is he? He’s still the antichrist.” Aziraphale chewed his lower lip thoughtfully. “Maybe I’m overthinking it. Maybe it is simply that my influences are cancelling out Crowley’s. How could we tell, do you think?”

**_You could try putting him in a situation where he wants to use his powers_ **

“Like what?”

**_He loves that thing of his, that dog, maybe if it died he’d bring it back to life_ **

Aziraphale froze, horrified. “I am not _killing his dog_!”

**_I could do it_ **

“Don’t you dare.” Aziraphale’s hand clenched into a fist. “I mean it.”

**_How will you stop me?_ **

“We have gotten on perfectly well for a long time now, don’t spoil it!”

**_Why are you angry with me? That’s how we normally do things, I do the tasks you don’t want to do. How is this different?_ **

“Not killing! Of course _killing_ is different!”

**_Why?_ **

Aziraphale didn’t reply. He hated moments like these, when the Thing’s inherent nature was so clearly different to his own. Even Crowley understood that murder was a step too far which made the Thing worse than a demon in that regard (although to be fair, not wanting to kill was a Crowley thing rather than a general demon thing so maybe this was just an example of how Crowley was better.) Aziraphale still wondered, in the back of his mind, if the Thing wasn’t some part of him, some deep and broken bit of his self.

**_Really? This again?_ **

“You said you’d stop doing that.”

**_You were thinking about me_ **

“That doesn’t mean you can _listen in_! Why do you-“ he broke off when there was a tap on his cottage door. He swung it open to reveal Crowley, dressed as Nanny Ashtoreth. She glanced over his shoulder and raised an eyebrow questioningly.

“Someone else in there, angel?”

“What? No! Why would you think that?”

“I heard you talking to someone.” She was still watching him curiously.

“Just…myself.”

“I see. Right. Well, can I come in? If anyone sees me here it will become quite the scandalous gossip believe me.”

“This is…not really a good time.”

The amusement drained from Crowley’s face. She looked concerned. “Is everything alright?”

Aziraphale hesitated. “Fine.”

“You’re lying.”

“No, I-“

“Aziraphale.” Crowley reached out and touched his arm gently. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Aziraphale looked down at the hand on his arm, wondering how it was that even small touches like this were enough to make him weak at the knees. His love for Crowley had, if anything, grown stronger since they’d been living here, and every day he became weaker in his resolve to keep everything to himself.

“There’s a voice in my head.” He blurted out suddenly.

**_Aziraphale…?_ **

“A…voice?” Crowley frowned, confused. “What do you mean, a voice?”

“I…I mean it’s…” Aziraphale looked into Crowley’s concerned face, and his mind was suddenly filled with images of his past, of when he’d spoken out before…” _freak”…”sick”…”demon”…_ he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t have Crowley reject him like that. “I just mean…I’ve been thinking about what you said. About Warlock being too normal. It’s been bothering me.”

“Ok…look, are you sure I can’t come in? We could discuss this over a drink…?”

“No, I…no. Thank you, Crowl-um…Ms Ashtoreth. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He gestured for Crowley to leave before closing the front door and leaning against it.

**_Why didn’t you tell him?_ **

“Why do you think?”

**_Aziraphale, he’s not like them. He wouldn’t treat you like that_ **

“I can’t take that chance.” Aziraphale sighed. “I don’t think I could bear it.”

**_You need to give him more credit_ **

“And you need to let me make my own decisions!”

**_Ok, ok. Sorry. Look, why don’t you get some sleep_ **

“I don’t need to sleep.”

**_Maybe not, but you’re in no fit state to work right now. Give yourself a break_ **

Aziraphale hesitated. He had gotten more used to sleeping lately, it was true. He’d never admit it to Crowley, but it did help to clear his mind. “And you promise you wont…kill anything, whilst I’m out?”

**_You have my word_ **

Aziraphale nodded decisively and headed into the bedroom, changing into his nightshirt with a wave of his hands. Within minutes he was asleep.

Thirty seconds later, Aziraphale’s body got up again, dressed, and went outside.

“Oh, it’s good to be free.” He whispered into the evening, before a pair of jet black wings sprouted from his shoulder blades. He stretched them languidly. “You should let me out more often.” And with that he spread his wings and shot up in to the night’s sky.


	8. Armageddon

Everything was going wrong.

They’d lost the antichrist, Armageddon was practically upon them, and he’d been discorporated. Aziraphale hadn’t thought it could get any worse.

Turns out it could.

Being on Earth without a body was unpleasant to say the least. He couldn’t see anything; it was like being surrounded by TV static, and whilst he could hear things it was as though hearing them through water, everything was slightly muffled and _wrong_.

But what was worse was the silence in his mind. Ever since his discorporation there’d been nothing. No voice. No Thing. Just emptiness.

Aziraphale struggled to focus. Hearing Crowley in that pub just about broke his heart, and in a way he was glad he couldn’t see so he didn’t know how devastated Crowley looked. Now all he had to do was find a body. He just wished he knew _how_ …he had an idea in theory, but putting it into practice felt rather more invasive than he would like. Not to mention the fact that he actually had somewhere to be, very soon, and so whatever body he managed to procure had to be somewhere close enough to get to Tadfield. He reached out into the abyss, trying to find someone open to him. He found several, but none of them were suitable. Aziraphale was just wondering if he would have to attend Armageddon as some sort of ghostly apparition, unable to actually do anything, when he felt the pull of another potential host, stronger than the others. He was drawn to it like a moth to flame. Finding himself sat at a table with three other humans was a surprise, but it only took him a second to realise what must be going on.

 _A séance. How quaint_.

**_Quaint and idiotic. The dead have better things to do with their time_ **

Aziraphale was surprised by the rush of _relief_ he felt. The Thing was still there. He wasn’t alone. He did what he had to in order to get rid of the humans, Then resigned himself to explaining to Madame Tracey exactly what was going on.

“I do apologise for the intrusion, my dear. Belive me if there was any other way-”

**_I mean, someone else literally offered him their body, but sure. No other way_ **

“I couldn’t risk it.” He snapped.

“Risk what?” Madame Tracy asked.

“The other body.”

“What other body?”

Aziraphale swallowed. “You can’t hear them.” He couldn’t help feeling disappointed. If Madame Tracey couldn’t hear Them when they were in her head…that must mean They weren’t really there.

“Hear who?” Madame Tracey shook her head. “I’m going mad.”

“I promise you, dear lady, you are not.” Aziraphale forced himself to put his disappointment aside and explained exactly what was going on. He then had to repeat himself when Shadwell appeared (twice in some instances) and then eventually they found themselves on the way to Tadfield.

**_I notice you didn’t mention me. Am I not a part of this?_ **

“And what would I say?”

“Eh?” said Shadwell.

“What?” said Madame Tracey. Aziraphale bit his lip.

“Nothing. So sorry.”

**_They’ve accepted everything you’ve told them so far. We’re literally in this woman’s head. Why can’t you just tell them about me_ **

Aziraphale ignored them.

****

Aziraphale couldn’t stop watching at Crowley out of the corner of his eye. The demon looked tired, and dirty, and broken…and was quite possibly the most beautiful thing Aziraphale had ever seen.

**_Yes, yes, we know_ **

“Shuh.”

“Who me?” asked Shadwell. Aziraphale shook his head.

“Sorry. No. But yes. You shush too.”

The Jeep Crowley was driving pulled to a stop.

“That’s him. The curly one. Shoot him, save the world.” Crowley said, pointing.

**_Sounds like an easy decision to me. Go on then_ **

But he’s just a wee bairn. You’re gonna…?” Shadwell began. Aziraphale snatched the gun.

“Oh for heaven’s sake. Give me that.”

He stared down at the weapon. Could he do it? Could he kill a child?

**_Is he really a child, though? Go on Aziraphale. Shoot_ **

“You can’t just shoot children!” Madame Tracey exclaimed, horrified. Aziraphale fought for control. _I have to. Don’t I?_

**_Do you? Go on, then_ **

“Perhaps we should wait.” Aziraphale said to Crowley. The demon looked at him incredulously.

“What, until he grows up?! Shoot him, Aziraphale!”

 _No_.

**_It would save the world. Do it_ **

Aziraphale raised the gun. He could feel Madame Tracey fighting desperately for control of her own body. His finger squeezed the trigger…

**_Your first kill_ **

…and he released control. The gun lifted sharply, firing into the air as Madame Tracey redirected it. He waited for some scornful comment from the Thing, some words of reprimand.

**_Good choice_ **

“What…?” but Madame Tracey interrupted him, taking control of her vocal cords.

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t let you do it.”

Aziraphale was about to reassure her, tell her it was fine, but then the antichrist – Adam – spoke up.

“Excuse me? Why are you two people?”

“Ah. Long story…”

“It’s not right. You should go back to being two separate people again.”

Aziraphale felt a sharp _tug_ and then he was just…there. He glanced down at his body. And it was _his_ body. He looked across at Madame Tracy, then back to Adam. The boy was frowning at him curiously.

“You feel wrong.” He said. Aziraphale’s eyes widened and he looked wildly at Crowley who was looking utterly confused and a bit lost. “There’s something-”

“Nevermind that, we’ve got more important things to do.”

“But-”

**_It’s ok. Deal with Armageddon first_ **

To Aziraphale’s surprise, Adam nodded. “Did you just…?” he trailed off quietly. Nobody answered him. Armageddon happened – or rather, didn’t happen – The Devil himself showed up, and was swiftly dealt with. And through it all, The Thing didn’t say another word.

But the silence in Aziraphale’s head somehow felt…happy.

****

Crowley let them into his flat and stood there, seemingly lost in thought. The bus ride home from Tadfield had been passed in exhausted silence, and it seemed neither one knew quite how to break it.

“Perhaps we should have a drink.” Aziraphale said eventually. Crowley nodded.

“Good idea.”

Aziraphale could feel Crowley’s eyes on him as he headed towards the kitchen. He snagged a bottle of wine and two glasses and headed towards the sofa. Crowley hesitated in the doorway to the room.

“You want to tell me what happened at the airbase?”

“Well, I mean you were there. You know as much as I do.”

“Adam Young, he said something. It bothered you.”

Aziraphale froze. “Oh. Well. That’s not important.”

**_Not important. Thanks_ **

Crowley sighed impatiently. “Haven’t we been through enough, angel? Havent I earned your trust?”

“Well of course you have-”

**_Then why won’t you tell him?_ **

“Then tell me what the heaven is going on with you, because quite frankly I’ve been noticing it for a while and I-”

“ _Crowley_.” Aziraphale snapped. He felt his wings spread, as they did sometimes when he was particularly upset, but he ignored them. “Will you please just…um…” he trailed off. Crowley was staring in undisguised horror and confusion. With a feeling of dread, Aziraphale glanced over his shoulder and saw the wings.

The jet black wings.

**_Well. This complicates things_ **

“Ah. Yes.” He turned back. “Crowley, listen…”

**_Let me talk to him_ **

“I don’t think that will help.” Aziraphale snapped. Crowley stared at him.

“What won’t help? What the Hell is going on?! Your wings?!”

“I can…look, they’re not my wings.”

“They look pretty attached to me!”

“It’s not…”

**_He won’t understand. He has to see. Let me talk to him_ **

Aziraphale sighed. It was time. “Fine.” He said quietly. And surrendered himself to the darkness.


End file.
